Sat Dec 2 2017

7:00 PM Doors

Varsity Theatre

3353 Highland Rd Baton Rouge, LA 70802

Ages 18+

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Varsity Theatre Presents
GWAR + Ghoul & He Is Legend & U. S. Bastards

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  • GWAR


    Heavy Metal

    Eons ago, there existed an elite group of chaos warriors who ravaged the galaxy with a boundless hatred of all things alive. They were called the Scumdogs of the Universe, and they grew in might and fury, the greatest weapon in the arsenal of their cosmic Master.

    But they became too powerful, and too defiant, and for their cosmic crimes were banished to the most insignificant planet in the universe…the seething mudball known as Earth.

    Millions of years passed, and they slumbered, until the pollution of your world de-thawed these creatures from their ageless coma…and now they stride the Earth, living gods, dedicated to one goal, the destruction of the human race, and the eradication of existence itself! Wait- that’s two goals!

    Hark to the hideous majesty of your MASTERS, rulers of Earth, the MIGHTY GWAR!!!

    It is I, ODERUS URUNGUS, lead singer of the sickest band in metal history, Earth’s only openly extra-terrestrial rock band, and the destined destroyers of not only the human race but also reality itself. GWAR! Hulking, heaving, dribbling WAR-GOD’s who like nothing better than putting hordes of our sniveling fans to the sword while playing the marauding mutant metal that we are famous for! Star’s of stage and screen, carvers of stem and spleen! GWAR LIVES!

    Vocals: ODERUS URUNGUS – GWAR’s supposed “leader”, the size of my ego is matched only by the heft of my broadsword, and the girth of my Cuttlefish!!

    Guitar: BALSAC THE JAWS OF DEATH — The most cultured of the group, this bear-trap jawed monstrosity is rumored to have a scrotum for a face.


    Drums : JIZMAK DA GUSHA—Dog-headed Jizmak is the most obnoxious GWAR-rior and delights in the pounding of all things, including himself! Hails from The Wide World of Sports.

    Bass: BEEFCAKE THE MIGHTY— Immensely angry and immeasurably violent, Beefcake is, quite simply, a sexual god.

    And of course who can forget THE SLAVES OF GWAR, humans kidnapped and mutated by GWAR to serve their endless and often confusing desires!


    At the beginning of all things, there was the Master, a hideous planet-sized creature floating in an endless void. And it was a boring void, so he created everything ever just to amuse himself. And as life spread through this void, The Master found the best way to amuse himself with his new toys was to make them fight each other, so he created WAR. And he saw that it was good, so he created The Scumdogs of the Universe as the ultimate executors of his favorite activity.

    For thousands of eons my Scumdog brothers and myself heaped endless atrocities upon a deserving galaxy. Planet after planet, race after race blazed to ruin on our flaming altar of sacrifice. Our enemies were many, from the peaceful folk of Flab-Quarve 7, to the sinister legions of robotic holy-warrior Cardinal Sin, and the wars we waged were never-ending. Led by The Master’s most loyal servant, the cyborg Techno-Destructo, the Scumdogs had become the most powerful force in the universe. So great that we dared to rise up in rebellion against our creator and fulfill our dream of destroying everything. The ensuing battle was beyond epic, as The Master deployed his newest and most powerful weapon, The Death Pod, and turned it against us. Ultimately we were defeated, and Techno loaded GWAR into the dreaded Butt-Cannon and shot us to the most insignificant, isolated mud ball of a planet in the entire galaxy—the planet Earth!

    There we busily set about fucking everything up on our new home. The first thing we did was have sex with the local animal population, thereby creating the human race. These loathsome creatures spread across the surface of the planet faster than the herpes on Lohan’s twat! We used to delight in the destruction of their civilizations—like the time Beefcake sank Atlantis by using it as his personal vomitorium, or Flattus de-foliated the Fertile Crescent with his chronic flatulence! But soon all of this barbarous activity had attracted the attention of The Master, who sent Techno-Destructo to check on his wayward creation. Enraged that we had created humans (the most annoying of races), The Master froze us in a great tomb in the barren waste of Antarctica, to sleep in its icy vastness until such times as he called us back into his horrific service!

    Millions of years passed, but GWAR still imposed their will on humanity…reaching into their dreams and inspiring them to heap atrocities upon each other and pollute and ravage their own world with disease and war. And it was the pollution of heavy metal that ultimately led to GWAR’s release! Because of the brief dominance of hair-metal bands in the late 80’s, and their overuse of hair spray, a huge hole was burned into the ozone above the GWAR temple, and the member’s of GWAR began to de-thaw. At that precise moment, music mogul and notorious underworld boss Sleazy P. Martini was on the run from the I.R.S., shot down over Antarctica and crashing into the frozen tundra in front of the GWAR Temple! Stumbling inside, he discovered the ageless warriors stirring within their tombs. Seizing the moment and in short order Sleazy quickly got us addicted to crack (the only thing that saved his life), brought us back to the U.S.A., gave us electric guitars, and exposed the world to the sickest band in metal history—GWAR !

    Since GWAR’s re-birth on planet Earth, events have come at a tumultuous pace. GWAR has witnessed, inspired, and is indeed directly responsible for many of the most destructive events in Earth’s recent past. It is no coincidence that since the second coming of GWAR, this world’s has slipped ever closer to the apocalypse it so woefully deserves. Indeed, if GWAR had’nt had to expend so much energy battling their cosmic foes, we would have surely eaten the entire human race by now! We have withstood the onslaughts of Techno-Destructo, and his twin brother, Bozo-Destructo, after they were done fighting each other! We braved the wrath of Granbo and the Morality Squad, who attempted to confiscate my penis. We fought the hideous SkulHedFace in an attempt to summon the World-Maggot and ride it back to outer space. Unfortunately it left without us, though to this day we hope there are two World Maggots! We even repelled an assault by the Master himself who attempted to return us to his cosmic servitude. Most recently we saw GWAR storming the gates of hell itself and claiming that realm as our own! And all the while we continued to ravage the planet, conducting our great “death-rallies”, luring the humans in with the music of metal, and then slaughtering them en masse. CD’s, DVD’s, and burnt-out cities continue to be produced in infinite procession, tracking the continuing progression of one of the most legendary bands in rock and roll history—the mighty GWAR!

  • Ghoul


    Thrash & Speed

    Real Name: Unknown

    Instruments: Guitar, Vocals, Razor Hooks, Mosh Riffs

    Age: Unknown

    Birthplace: Bergen, Germany

    Number of Eyes: One, Right

    History: The son of a mad Trappist monk and a syphilitic gypsy, Digestor was born in an abandoned castle outside of Bergen. His childhood was spent in a carnival freak show as the Amazing Melting Boy, as the syphilis had eaten away most of the soft tissue in his face. He learned to read and write from the other freaks in the carnival and through his training as a geek, developed a refined taste for raw meat; a taste so all consuming it eventually caused him to be expelled from the carnival after a messy incident with Patches the clown. He wound his way around Europe, causing panic in his wake, until he found Creepsylvania and decided to call it home. During his travels in Europe he found the records of old “Thrash-Metal” bands in garbage bins and started a collection, a form of music outlawed in Creepsylvania since the 1980s. Anyone caught headbanging in Creepsylvania faces a stiff fine!

    Real Name: Unknown

    Instruments: Guitar, Vocals, Skateboards, Toxic Shock, Slam Pits

    Age: Unknown

    Birthplace: Creepsylvania

    Number of Eyes: Two

    History: Dissector was created by the Swamp Hag as huge, slithering larvae to feed on the scraps that the members of Ghoul left in their boody wake. The maggot slimed its way into the cisterns and sewers of Creepsylvania and there it fed, growing and maturing surrounded by barrels of glowing toxic goo. As a pupa in the sewers he heard the warblings of Ghoul as they moshed out songs in their subterranean practice room and, he picked up the songs immediately. After hatching as a full grown Ghoul, he joined the trio of terror to make them a foursome of fright, thus cementing their line-up and adding a certain je ne sais pas. Maybe it’s the guitar solos, maybe it’s the voice. One thing is for sure; Dissector smells really bad.

    Real Name: Unknown

    Instruments: Bass, Vocals, Bone Torch, Necro-Arson

    Age: Unknown

    Birthplace: Paris, France

    Number of Eyes: Two

    History: A bastard born to a whore in the catacombs of Paris, Cremator was raised by a blacksmith with one arm and no teeth. His childhood was spent fetching scrap iron and working the bellows at the smithees shop. His adoptive father mysteriously died one day when he was apparently pushed into the oven by an unknown assailant. Cremator was badly injured in a kiln explosion, which resulted in the loss of most of the lower half of his face, making his speech guttural and garbled at best. His obsession with fire makes him oneof the most dangerous of the Ghouls. Cremator is a Pisces. ASK CREMATOR! The only advice column written by a cannibal.

    Real Name:Unknown

    Instruments: Drums, Rot Gut, Berserker Beats

    Age: Unknown

    Birthplace: Yugoslavia

    Number of Eyes: One, Left

    History: Fermentor was found squalling in a vineyard by a half retarded grape stomper in Yugoslavia and is thought to be the result of an abortion gone horribly wrong. He was raised on cheap wine and cheaper meat and at a very early age was shown the secrets of viniculture. His skills were second to none, even with a single digit IQ, and hesoon earned his place as a master brewer and winemaker. His tenure at the winery was abruptly ended when he went missing after a farmhand was found decapitated and drained of all his blood.


    Real Name: Mr. Fang

    Age: Unknown

    Birthplace: Shanghai

    Number of Eyes: Two

    History: An ex-opium smuggler and current opium addict, Mr. Fang is half Chinese, half Russian and was born in Shanghai to a famous Chinese carpenter and his white mistress. He spent much of his youth involved in piracy, gunrunning, and the poppy trade before leaving the Far East in search of new avenues of enrichment. He found them in Creepsylvania, where he quickly opened “Mr. Fang¹s Coffins & Curios”, specializing in caskets for the oft-murdered townsfolk and the sale of curiosities from the darkest corners of the globe. Ask about the sale on cursed monkey paws.

    THE Mutant Mutilator

    Real Name: Billy Spungbein

    Age: 13

    Birthplace: Creepsylvania

    Number of Eyes: Two

    History: Young Billy Spungbein was just an average jerk. Made fun of; dumped in garbage cans; ridiculed by women; he was Creepsylvania High¹s class wretch. Then one day while Billy hid in the cemetery from bullies, he stumbled upon the Crystaline Skull. As he picked it up he felt a jolt of power rush through him, and, after uttering arcane words, he was transformed into the awesome figure of the Mutant Mutilator, a slavering death-beast from the depths of creation! The Mutant Mutilator is a massive homicidal werepig. His hatred of false metal and trendy posers crosses the line from healthy distaste to psychopathic rage, and he has the blood-caked axe to prove it. Listen to Cradle of Filth? You will be killed. Prefer American-style blast beats? You will be killed. Profess a love for modern, forward-thinking, art-grind? You will be killed twice whilst being kicked in the balls, hard. Six-inch tusks and 450 lbs of nasty disposition make him the wrong werepig to piss off.


    Real Name: Walt Disney

    Age: Unknown

    Birthplace: Unknown

    Number of Eyes: Zero real eyes, two infra-red cameras

    History: Constructed from the strongest steel known to the guys at Creepsylvania Tow and Salvage Yard, Killbot is 10 feet of unstoppable destruction with but a single purpose: ANNIHILATE GHOUL. After burying itself and it¹s creator under the rubble of a castle, Killbot was unearthed and reactivated by a secret cabal of powerful men. With a new brain plucked from the frozen head of Walt Disney, Killbot is now more powerful than ever!

    Real Name: Zuryalda

    Age: Unknown

    Birthplace: Unknown

    Number of Eyes: Three

    History: Not much is known about the creature the locals call the ³ Swamp Hag². A shadowy figure, she is said to be the infamous Gypsy, Zuryalda, who cursed Creepsylvania as the villagers cast her into the swamp and whose murder gave rise to a violent Gypsy revolt. Tales of strange doings out in the swamp keep even the most brave-hearted from seeking her lair.

  • He Is Legend

    He Is Legend

    Rock & Roll

    Belief can be a powerful thing. When shared even among a small group, possibilities remain endless. 
    That brings us to He Is Legend’s fifth full-length offering, few [Spinefarm Records]. The communal faith belonging to a cadre of musicians, artists, and fans brought the collection to life. That’s why the title, a nod to Madame Helena Blavatsky’s occult treasure The Voice of the Silence, feels so cosmically apropos for the Wilmington, NC quartet—Schuylar Croom [vocals], Adam Tanbouz [lead guitar], Matty Williams [bass], and Denis Desloge [guitar].
    “This is dedicated to the people who supported us through everything,” declares Croom. “I was inspired by the words of Helena Blavatsky. She’s basically the godmother of the occult, and she dedicated one of her books to the few. Basically, that means the few that follow the way. I thought it was very fitting for what we do. It took just a few artists and a few thousand of our fans to come through and say, ‘Fuck yeah, we want you to do another record.’ We left it up to them.”
    In 2015, He Is Legend wrapped up a marathon tour cycle for 2014’s triumphant Heavy Fruit with the likes of Maylene and the Sons of Disaster and Wilson. As songs like “This Will Never Work” cracked 370K Spotify streams, Heavy Fruit elevated the group to a new plateau with acclaim from Alternative Press, Revolver Magazine, L.A. Music Blog, New Noise, Ultimate Guitar, and many more. 
    Returning home, the boys allowed their audience to make a decision on what would become album number five…
    “We started a crowdfunding campaign on Indiegogo,” Croom goes on. “If we met the goal, we’d do it. If not, we wouldn’t. It was all or nothing. The response was pretty overwhelming. We found new life, energy, and creativity in this as a result.”
    With unique incentives like smoking jackets, amulets, and action figures, He Is Legend impressively raised 124% of their goal. During December 2015, the band retreated to a remote cabin in Carrboro, NC just 20 minutes from Warrior Sound: the studio where they cut both Heavy Fruit and It Hates You. The snowy setting and isolation instigated inspiration within Croom.
    “The cabin was really pivotal for us,” he says. “There was no cell phone service. The couple that owned it had dogs and cats roaming free. It’s this nice place literally in the middle of nowhere. Rather than turning on the TV at night, we’d be sitting around a fire to stay warm drinking wine. It brought an element of darkness out of me. I was in a strange place, dealing with some personal and family issues. I channeled that as I was stuck in the snow lonely. There was this longing for summer. In my eyes, the cabin had more to do with this music than we would readily admit.”
    This time around, the guys produced few with Warrior Sound owner Al Jacobs. They amplified every element of their signature style. Summoning ghosts of White Zombie, Soundgarden, and Nirvana, the riffs hit harder, the lyrics cut deeper, and the rhythms stick longer.
    “We tried to go for a minimalist approach,” he goes on. “We wanted to focus on all of the aspects we’ve ever brought to the table. There was a lot of anger and hostility in the music. That mainly came out of us redefining what we used to do really well. Our sound has changed a lot over the years, but that’s important for us to grow. Our fans expect us to morph a little. There’s a little bit of all our previous records in this.”

    few takes flight on the hypnotic guitars and haunting harmonies of opener “Air Raid.” It quickly blasts off into a gut-punching slam and powerful chant, “I don’t know why she’s out of breath at the door of death.”
    “‘Air Raid’ hits you like the fucking end of the world,” he exclaims. “It’s pretty self-explanatory as far as the lyrics go. It’s about how the earth wants humans to be gone. We’re a fucking cancer. It could shake us off like a dog shakes off flees. It’s as political as I’ve ever gotten.”

    “Sand” snaps into a barrage of distortion and percussion before slipping into one of the set’s most unforgettable choruses. “It’s the shortest song,” he continues. “It’s a banger that gets in and gets out. Lyrically, it’s about personal issues in my life I’ve been facing for a while.”

    Elsewhere, the psychedelic elegance of “Gold Dust” unlocks another facet of the fours-piece. “That might be my favorite song,” he admits. “There’s always one song that pushes where we are and shows where we could go next—or might not ever go again. I used a lot of imagery from a story that a friend told me. He ate mushrooms and had a spiritual awakening. I wrote from his experience and weaved some of my own into it. It’s about trying to see again what you’ve seen when you’re under the influence.”
    Completing the album, He Is Legend found the right partner for release in Spinefarm Records. Now, few are about to become many in 2017.

    “I want fans to feel like this album is theirs since they were ultimately responsible for it,” Croom leaves off. “We had to make it perfect for them. It’s important for us to hug them and say thank you as much as possible. We accomplished something great through having a cult following that wanted us to continue. I think it’s important for people to know that and see this came to life because of them.”

  • U. S. Bastards

    U. S. Bastards

    Rock & Roll

    U.S. BASTARDS started originally as U.S. Brass, a rock and roll trio in the summer of 2007 consisting of Brent Purgason, Peter Simms and Josh Price. John Kelly was quickly added as a second guitar player to complete the wall of sound. The band would play their first show in November 2007 at the Richmond Tattoo Convention hosted by the late Billy Eason. The material performed would end up making the first album, most of which was written in 2005 after Purgason left Richmond rock band, The Deviltones in pursuit of a different sound. 
    A few friends have come and gone as players in the band and in 2010 the U.S. BRASS HAS NO CLASS EP was released in limited numbers with Brian Porter on drums and Zack O'Carroll (Antietam 1862, Humungus) on bass guitar. 
    Fast forward to 2012 Jeremy Dutra came aboard on drums and the band returned to being a three piece with Kelly moving from guitar to bass. That same year Purgason assumed lead guitar duties in the legendary band of intergalactic scumdogs known as GWAR. 
    As of 2014 the band started working on their second full length and the sound had evolved quite a bit since the beginning. U.S. BRASS became U.S. BASTARDS, playing music that's faster, harder and darker than before.

Varsity Theatre Presents

GWAR + Ghoul & He Is Legend & U. S. Bastards

Sat Dec 2 2017 7:00 PM Doors

Varsity Theatre Baton Rouge LA
GWAR, Ghoul, He Is Legend, U. S. Bastards
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Ages 18+